Water Cooler Romance
by Shruikin
Summary: "If I can wake up from being dead for two years and shoot a mech's face off with ease, I'm pretty sure my 'Those-two-used-to-have-sex' radar is working just fine."


_I'm replaying Mass Effect 2 and was reminded again how amazing it is. Anyways, I felt like there was too much Miranda-hate around here, and I think she's pretty awesome. Then again, Chuck is my favorite show so I may be prone to bias…_

"Yeah, right on your ass!" Grunt roared as he rammed the butt of his gun into another Eclipse mercenary. The said merc flew an impressive three yards before crumpling into a dead heap on the ground. Grunt fired a couple shots for good measure.

"Alright, that's enough, Grunt," Shepard chided lightly as she stepped over a yellow armor-clad body. She noticed a few packs of ammo scattered around the dead merc and happily picked them up. "Hmm, I missed the guns that used to over-heat."

"I prefer thermal clips, myself," Miranda commented as she scooped up a few packs herself. "They don't burn your hands, and when the old guns over-heat you're screwed."

Shepard barked out a laugh as she headed for a conveniently placed medi-gel box. "Right but when you run outta ammo you're even more screwed."

"Can't say I ever had that problem, Commander," Miranda said, wiping a bead of sweat off her brow. Christ, this planet was hot.

"Yeah, neither have I. Which is odd. There always seems to be some thermal clip lying around." Shepard finished looting the medi-gel box and stretched her back. A few audible pops could be heard from Miranda's distance.

"You two are ridiculous. Why complain about a gun when it serves the same purpose?" Grunt rumbled, joining the two humans.

Shepard blinked. Never did she think of the day that a Krogan would be more rational than her. "You may be right, Grunt. Alright, enough debates on convenient thermal clips and my nostalgia, lets get the damn data and get off this plant. It's like an inferno here."

Grunt laughed, mumbled something about weak humans, and plodded ahead. Once he was out of ear shot, Shepard shot a sly smirk at Miranda.

"Sooo… you and Jacob, huh?" she asked, settling her assault rifle back on her back.

"What?" Miranda asked, startled by the sudden question.

"You and Jacob used to date, right?"

"Where would you get an absurd idea like that?"

Shepard grinned and walked up to the data terminal, hacking into it and reading the logs. "I'm not stupid, Miranda, and you're not as good as you think you are. I'm a pro at picking this stuff up."

Miranda scoffed, but on the inside she was in full blown panic mode. "Maybe you're getting rusty."

Shepard guffawed as she pressed a random button to read the next log. "Puh-_lease_, if I can wake up from being dead for two years and shoot a mech's face off with ease, I'm pretty sure my 'Those-two-used-to-have-sex' radar is working just fine."

Miranda felt her face heat up but with practice she retained her blush. Well, fine, if that was how she wanted to play it. "Really? That's odd, because my 'Those-two-used-to-have-sex' radar was off the charts on Horizon."

Shepard's toothy grin faltered a bit and it was her turn to blush. It wasn't as noticeable on her tan skin, but Miranda still got the feeling of accomplishment. "... Touché."

Miranda chuckled. "Come on, decrypt this damn data so we can get a move on, I'm actually getting uncomfortable in this suit. But I'm actually curious, did Jacob say anything to you?"

Shepard waggled her eyebrows, but Miranda's no-nonsense glare sobered her up. "He may of mentioned something…"

"Like what?"

"Liiikkeee I dunno, 'Miranda requires a better man than I' kinda thing. Right after that _Lord of the Flies _fiasco. 'Sides, you were dropping some hints too. I mean, sending him that distress signal? And I've seen you two flirt. But Jacob's kind of dumb when it comes to that stuff, believe me. Anyways, I think you two-"

"Commander-"

"No, no! Lemme finish, you two would make an awesome couple-"

"Shepard!"

"What?"

"There's Eclipse mercs heading our way."

"Oh!" Shepard shot a glance back at the data terminal, which was flashing 'Decrypting' and yanked her over-sized machine gun from her back. A loud, taunting laugh that was undeniably Grunt was heard, and Shepard dove for cover. Miranda followed suit, and soon the loud, obnoxious sound of bullets being fired filled the air.

"Of course these douche-bags appear when I've got time to kill," Shepard grumbled, pulling out her sniper rifle upon discovering her machine gun would not do much damage at this distance. Miranda decided to finally put her biotics to use and used her Slam ability to send the mercs hurting off the canyon that separated them. Grunt took out his shot-gun and blasted any merc he saw, taking the liberty of charging them if they got to close. In minutes, the three of them eliminated the whole group, and the data terminal notified them that it was done decrypting.

"Alright, now we're done here. I need coffee," Shepard mumbled, flashing her Omni-tool over the data terminal to send the files to EDI. The trio trudged their way back to the shuttle, Miranda hoping that Shepard had forgotten their previous conversation.

"Good work, Grunt, just make sure when you need to re-load you take cover. And please, watch where you're charging, because more than once you almost ran right into the canyon," Shepard explained. Grunt laughed.

"Sure thing, Battlemaster. Charging is in my blood, however."

"Yes, yes, I know, just remember it's in my blood to make sure you don't kill yourself. Alrighty, here's the shuttle, lets get off this over-heated rock."

The ride back was uneventful, and Shepard made no mentions to Miranda about Jacob, for that she was grateful. Upon boarding the _Normandy_, Shepard nodded to Joker and informed him to pick up some fuel at the nearest depot. Grunt and Miranda made their way to the elevator, back to their posts. Miranda was looking foreword to a nice long shower when suddenly Jacob, followed by Shepard, entered into the elevator.

With Grunt's massive size, a muscular Jacob, and a fully armored Shepard, Miranda felt a bit claustrophobic. Then she quickly realized that she was in a tight, cramped elevator with Jacob and Shepard. What higher deity did she piss off to deserve this?

"Hey Jacob, where are you going?" Shepard asked, stretching her neck.

"Just getting some dinner, you?"

"Kelly told me Tali's acting a bit distressed, I wanted to see what's up."

Jacob nodded. "How was the mission?"

"Ooooh, eventful. Lots of mercs to shoot, Grunt almost got himself killed," Grunt chuckled at this, "Miranda and I had a little chat." Miranda's eyes went wide with horror.

Jacob looked curious. "About what?"

"Nothing important," Miranda said quickly, shooting a death glare at Shepard, who had opened her mouth to answer.

Grunt's rumbling laughter shook everyone's bones. "Heh, not important. They were discussing whether or not you had mated with her," Grunt explained, pointing a huge, meaty finger at Miranda. Miranda closed her eyes and felt her face heat up, and Jacob stood agape. Miranda could feel Shepard shaking next to her in silent laughter. Their oh so 'great' commander then coughed as if to play it off as a cold.

"Grunt," Miranda ground out.

"Stating the facts. I don't get you humans and your evasiveness."

Jacob mumbled something and blushed himself, while Shepard coughed again, but there was still laughter in her eyes. The doors swung open for deck three, and Shepard placed her hands on Jacob and Miranda's backs. "Wel-heh-ell, here we are! You two probably have lots to talk about!" she shouted, shoving them out. Miranda whipped her head around to protest, but just before the doors closed she caught Shepard and Grunt fist-pounding.

"You little-" Miranda began to shout, but the doors closed, and the last thing she heard was Shepard's laughter.

Fuming, Miranda looked back at Jacob, only to find herself tangled in his arms from Shepard's abrupt shove out the elevator. Sighing lightly, and ignoring the firmness of his biceps, she began to untangle herself when Garrus rounded the corner.

Garrus' hawk-like eyes went wide. "I knew it."

"Wait, Garrus, this is not what it looks li-GARRUS!" Miranda snarled as that damn Turian turned his heel and marched away with what she could only qualify as a smirk on his face.

"Knew what?" Jacob asked, and Miranda could only face palm.


End file.
